


again and again and again

by en passant (corinthian)



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Gen, pretentious drivel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6116132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corinthian/pseuds/en%20passant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arjuna strikes him first. And Karna retaliates, he gives as good as he gets in the plainest of senses. For every blow Arjuna sends his way, Karna meets him and returns it. In some ways, they are in perfect harmony, but there is blood on Arjuna's gloves and the bruises already begin to show on Karna's pale skin.</p>
<hr/>
<p>all stories have hidden meanings, all people have desires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	again and again and again

**Author's Note:**

> just when I thought I'd escaped hell, I continue writing. Fate/ legends are usually a bit different, I wonder what fgo will tell us about Arjuna....

When Arjuna was young, a pale wraith haunted him. He saw it in his reflection in the water of a deep well that had no bottom. It consumed him and transfixed him — he stood there for hours, watching his own face that became so strange and new when reflected back at him. It was only the ripples of a ball, floating on the surface, that interrupted his reverse image and allowed him to step back.

When he is a little older, he sees the wraith reflected in the eye of a bird. It is the only thing he can see, it swallows his field of vision. He's dwarfed by this other version of himself. He shoots an arrow through the bird's eye, pierces his other self and feels relief when the visage is shattered.

The first time he sees Karna, he thinks he's looking into a mirror.

* * *

When he cut off Karna's head everything went silent. The war faded to nothing, even the wind and roar of his own blood in his veins was quiet. For once, nothing moved, nothing spoke, nothing made noise. His heart was peaceful.

Then, everything began again and his solitude shattered.

* * *

There are rules of war and there are rules to being comrades in arms. Arjuna has broken the former, in the life where he also made his mark as a hero. The latter, he adheres to as if there is nothing else in the world for him.

It's intolerable, however, to see Karna stand near. Arjuna can't look away. It feels like death stands by his side and the voice that has been with him since the beginning, (his own voice), will speak to him sweetly.

Karna, too, sees right through him. The look he gives Arjuna, across the battlefield, across the hallway, in passing — it says, plainly, _are you misbehaving?_ in an overly familiar way. In the way that an older brother might inquire. 

A traitorous part of him, too, gets riled up by such a simple thing. It's the darker, calmer side of himself that accepts this, after all, Karna will die again. That is the kind of reassurance that haunts Arjuna's waking hours.

* * *

(In another story:

There was a pair of brothers who did not grow up together but grew up knowing of each other. The older brother did not dream much of his younger brother, he was the eldest and he came first. The world was newer, more dangerous and still being made when he first walked it. For his younger brother, however, the world had been completed. Some things were unchangeable, like the paths beneath his feet.

This is not a parable that has a direct correlation in truth, as a warning.

There came a time when the two brothers finally met and the older brother said, I know of you. The younger said the same, and added: I have seen what you left behind.

The last part of the text is lost, all accept a final line from the younger brother: This too, you have left. This too, I have taken.)

* * *

_At least get along until the end of this conflict. . ._ their Master had asked, hands up in a semi-placating gesture. Arjuna had been polite, agreed made a promise. But he could not help himself but to add that when their alliance was over, once more, he would take up his bow against Karna.

Karna did not need to agree to any of it, he accepted both decisions — the request from their Master and Arjuna's animosity.

* * *

In war, promises are often broken.

The thing about Servants, the girl who harbored the soul of a goddess within her, commented, was that they were all frozen in time. She knew this because she had once been a Master of a certain Servant. And while he had been atypical, there was still only one path that he could take. 

Servants are a distilled point in time. It was like looking at them through a straw, everything else was cut away and blocked out. Breaking through that could be very difficult. It would take a miracle, for some. Then she laughed, well, and some people are just too boneheaded to change.

* * *

It's something small. Something Karna says — and in the end, it doesn't really matter. ("Is that all you have to offer?" might have been said, but it had been without judgment. It had been a gesture for Arjuna to open up, a conciliatory phrase from Karna — but could it really have been read anything other than an accusation?)

Arjuna strikes him first. And Karna retaliates, he gives as good as he gets in the plainest of senses. For every blow Arjuna sends his way, Karna meets him and returns it. In some ways, they are in perfect harmony, but there is blood on Arjuna's gloves and the bruises already begin to show on Karna's pale skin.

The harder he hits Karna, the quieter the world gets. Arjuna can hear two things, the sound of their fight — his fists on Karna's skin, Karna's breathing, the sound of their bodies against the floor — and the voice of encouragement.

His fist breaks Karna's lip, Karna's gauntlet scrapes across his cheek. The air is pushed from his lungs, he tries to break Karna's neck using the floor as leverage.

Arjuna makes the mistake of looking to the side, however. He catches Karna's eyes with his own, blue and reflective. (He's been haunted by a pale wraith since he was a child.) He sees himself in Karna, and the world's noise comes rushing back.

The apology comes easily, when they both part by (frantic) request from their Master. "My most sincere apologies. I don't know what came over me." His voice is so calm, but so loud to his own ears.

"This disagreement got out of hand." Karna's reply is short and Arjuna once again feels incriminated.

* * *

(There is another story, that is far shorter and more nonsensical. There was a man who tried to steal the sun. But he did not know that he contended with the moon, who consumed the sun. This is a story that explains the solar eclipse, or something like that.)

* * *

When Arjuna was young, but no longer a child and no longer young enough to make excuses, he put his fate in the hands of another. To become a hero is quite different from growing into a king or a tyrant. The desire for power, a kingdom, lands to preside over is different.

There is a desire to uphold.

Every wraith he encountered he struck down, burned, broken into pieces. Every reflection of himself he examined and scrutinized and destroyed. In essence, Arjuna — peerless, unapproachable, ever virtuous, ever victorious Arjuna — was someone who is defined by "rejection."

* * *

"My wish for the holy grail? I wish for eternal solitude. . . that is not a joke. I'm serious."

* * *

Some people misunderstand. Karna doesn't think much of it — not when his Master asks him what he thinks of Arjuna, or when he's asked what he wants. The answer remains the same. This and that, it's all fine.

"It's like you don't have any preferences at all." His Master sighs, scratches his cheek and looks sheepish. "It makes me feel greedy and lazy."

"Everything in moderation." Karna's reply only make his Master laugh nervously.

"Ahh! Even I feel attacked, it's really no wonder. . ."

He accepts that condemnation as well. The misunderstanding is simple, his own long dead desires have no hold on him. The "Heroic Spirit Karna" is a specific moment in time.

* * *

(Arjuna hears the pounding of Karna's heart louder than his own.)


End file.
